oh how I love Disney

Today I went online and purchased a ticket to a magical fantasy land called Disneyworld. For $342, I can and will enter 4 theme parks for 7 glorious days. And I'm not even posting it on facebook.  Do you know why?  Because Facebook is the lamest thing I've ever encountered and I HATE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish everyone would see it as it truly is and quit boring everyone with their BORING lives!!!!!!Get a clue, dude!! I don't care if you just painted your closet, took a nap, pitched a tent, or baked a loaf of bread!! Just quit boring the shit out of me.....please, for the love of God, get a life.  Or, get a dog and name it Life....then maybe you'll have one. While I'm waiting for that, I'll be in Florida enjoying all that Disney can do for me.  And in case you don't know, Walt said, "If you can dream it, you can achieve it."  So everyone, get out there and do something really cool.  Be your authentic self and get the hell off facebook, aka., "LameBook"....PS. Cool people are way too busy enjoying life and doing way cool stuff to ever have time to go on facebook. 

The last lonely pile of snow finally melted.  I saw it just last week lurking in the woods by our parking lot.  Several days of rain played a major role in bringing the first hint of spring.  A few brave daffodils and crocuses are blooming and the weather pronosticators are promising temps in the 50's.  We've been lied to before so I'm not making any fair weather plans just yet.  In fact, my long awaited Bahama cruise begins on Monday and I have the good fortune to fly out of the cold and dampness in 3 days.  When I get back from 85 degree weather, the people here will be bragging about the one day of sunshine they had that produced 61 degrees.  Wow!!   But within the confines of MicroWorld, it's always 80 plus degrees.  The seasons are merely pictures we look at through our windows, as one day flows into the next on our weekly schedule of samesness. 

Granny's Got a Car..or, Maine in the Rearview Mirror

I found every granny's dream car....a cadillac!  Now for the road trip to Maine to look at real estate.  For curiosity's sake, I looked up today's temperature in Westfield, Maine, the town my Dad was born in and where I lived as an infant.  It's April and it's 19 degrees! Do they know it's spring and most kids are on Spring Break!  We are still looking at piles of lingering snow but at least the temps are in the 40's during the day and little shoots of early spring flowers are desperately pushing their way through the soil.  The roadtrip to Maine has been replaced with a Bahama cruise.  Only 20 days before embarkation.  But that is not a roadtrip.  Besides, I need to test my heated seats, cruise control settings, and introduce myself to my Onstar Virtual Advisor.  MicroWorld residents are pushing me out the door.  My vehicle purchase choice has won everyone's approval and peaked conversations of bygone vacations.  Since many of our residents live vicariously through Granny Ray, it's my obligation to the hit the highway and bring back tales of adventure.  Today's roadtrip will be a visit to Frank Pepe's Pizzeria in New Haven, CT.  I saw this place on the TV show, "Diners and Dives".  It opened in 1925 and before that, Frank Pepe was selling his "tomato pies" on the street.  The reality of the trip today will be an uneventful and boring interstate 91 drive to New Haven and following our mapquest directions to the restaurant.  We will park, order and eat pizza and leave with our own opinions of this "best pizza in the world".  But MicroWorld will be treated to a tale worthy of it's own movie.  Check the upcoming blog and read all about "Cadillac Granny and the Pizza Pie".....or "Cabin Fever Road Trip to Binge Eating".  As for real estate in Maine.....There is a reason it's so reasonably priced.  This Granny is going to point her 8 cyclinders south.

April Fools! or It's Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature

     Well it's April first again and all day long the halls and walls of MicroWorld will be ringing with "April Fools!", as the inhabitants try to trick and outsmart one another.  But Mother Nature has a little trick of her own this morning.  Once again our lawns and trees are covered with the fluffy white stuff.  Come on!  A few brave daffodill leaves are cautiously peeking out of the ground and some overly eager crocus tried to jump-start Spring, but Mother Nature is having a big laugh today.  Don't try the old line, "Hey look outside, It's snowing!...April Fool's!"  Mother Nature beat you to it and stole your best joke of the day.  You'll just have to use, "Hey look, your shoe is untied"....too bad, so lame. By the way, I plan to avoid all the banality and go shopping. 

face book is still lame book

You know, I keep trying to "do facebook", I really do.  But everyone's comments are just so awfully boring! We are ever so truly a nation of sheep without an intelligent, original thought, ever.  God! After reading a few lines, I just have to log off to get my skin to stop crawling.  Thoreau was so right when he said that most men lead lives of quiet desperation.  And no one (except an elite few) know that what you think about and what you talk about and what you focus on is what you attract into your life.  You are always creating your future.  Look at your life this moment.  It is exactly what you were focusing on, worrrying about, talking about, thinking about, in the not too distant past.  People!  quit being so mundane, boring, and vision-less.  Your life is the sum-total of your choices; the hundreds of choices you make everyday. Your life is the culmination of all your thoughts that occupy your mind everyday.  Don't fool yourself.  Your thoughts are more powerful than you realize.  Think about this:  every thing that you see around you, tangible and intangible, was once a thought in someone's mind.  So if you want something, think about it, dream about it, imagine yourself having it, living it, and you will draw it to you.  Also know that without a doubt, You Will Live at the Standard that YOU set for Yourself!..Do Not accept second best.  Do NOT settle for anything less that what truly makes you happy.  By the way, I just bought a cadillac today. It is beautiful and stunning.  I paid $5,000 for it although it is worth far more.  When I signed the bill of sale, I had $1.64 in my bank account. But I wanted this car and focused on owning it.  I pictured myself owning it and began feeling happy and excited.  I told everyone I knew that I had just bought a cadillac.  I went to my bank and applied for a loan and was turned down.  But I still believed that this car was mine.  I applied at another lender and suddenly the car was mine and everything worked out better than I imagined.  The law of attraction really works! It's infallible. It operates throughout the universe and in every human being's life.  It is always working whether you believe it or not.  It's like the law of gravity.  You don't have to believe in it or understand it, but it is always working--IN SPITE OF YOU OR YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT IT. So, stop living limiting lives of boredom and scarcity. THINK abundance and joy and mentally attract it to yourself.  BTW, you can stop boring everyone on facebook and have something fun and inspiring to talk about.  Because, I swear, if any of you make anymore comments about your pets, or how you need a bath, a nap, or anything else like that.....I will come to your house and set YOU on fire!  Now just stop it please! Insanity is a prison.  Free yourself and experience the Joie D'Vivre.

The Get Away Plan

For most of us, some of our best times happened spontaneously, accidentally even.  I love those memories and yes, the stories got better over time.  But I will have to tell you, better times are carefully planned....right down to the limo.  Of course we all know that if you book a cruise you will have a wonderful, planned vacation.  Because after all, you will have a perky, energetic, bouncing Cruise Director to make sure that you do.  But what if your good time is entirely in your own hands...your own sweating palms, gripping the steering wheel in Clark Griswald style, down the vacation highway to hell?  For some, like Clark, it's an adventure.  I agree that unpleasant surprises are adventures, but a girl's get-away trip to celebrate my birthday needs some flair and glam.  Las Vegas, Niagra Falls, and Mohegan Sun were all considered.  But that was just the obvious surface scratching.  We are self-styled, confident, independent women who do not have time for scrapbooking our fantasies.  We plan to carry them out like true pampered pooches (rich bitches).   Well, enough bravado talk.  It's time to unveil "The Plan".  We are flying non-stop to Ft. Lauderdale. When we exit the airport, a limo will be waiting to offer us a glass of champagne and drive us to the Hilton Beach Resort.  After we check in, we will return to our waiting limo and go to the Hollywood Casino for an afternoon and early evening of gambling, shopping, and dining.  When we return to the hotel we will enjoy a cocktail in the hotel lounge before changing into our swimsuits and going to the hot tub to finish both the evening and a bottle of champagne.  Of course we will be sleeping in late the next morning and ordering room service for breakfast.  We have reserved a cabana by the pool for the day which has it's own refrigerator and TV.  The pool is heated, there is, of course, the hot tub right by, and a wonderful pool bar and pool servers to bring us delectable munchies and tantalizing drinks with little umbrellas.  Did I mention we will be overlooking the beach and ocean as we lounge by the pool in our cabana?  We might even take a walk on the beach.  But for true spontaneity, we will wait until a later time to blah, blah, blah, oh no!  You have all fallen asleep!!  What a bedtime story.  I've told this one to the residents of MicroWorld and they ask for it again and again.  Fantasy?  I'll tell you the whole truth when I get back! Would I lie to you, Baby?

Valentine's Day---It Really is All About YOU!

People seem to love to bash Valentine's Day.  They snidely point out it was "invented" by Hallmark.  It's just another ploy to extract money from consumers.  This is probably true, but why ruin your day stewing about economics ?  Today is my free hall pass.  I can dress up in red and get the world's approval, and celebrate on a otherwise bleak and gray winter day.  I even bought myself something special....Chocolate Wine!  I'll spend all day today anticipating it's deliciousness when I open it up tonight.  People who grump about V-Day are looking for someone else to make the day special for them.  Who knows you better than YOU?! Why, you know exactly what you like.  Why let someone botch it up and dissappoint you?  Plan your special day around YOU for a change and then if you don't have a special someone to share it with, invite someone who's company you enjoy.  Remember, if it's all about you, you won't be let down.  Were you hoping for chocolates, jewelery, a canlelit dinner?  Please.....if you are a woman then you know that men simply cannot pull this off competently except in TV commercials.  Did you want Godiva chocolates or Whitman from Walgreen's.  Now I know you want Godiva, but he will go to Walgreen's and then he will drive to Walmart and look around the store in hopeless confusion. Men with secretaries send them to do the shopping and their wives are grateful.
But if your man is shopping and planning a special day SOLO, then do yourself a favor and get involved.   Go shopping!  Buy yourself something that truly brings personal satisfaction.  After all, it is really all about you...just ask him.

cold not for the old or why I hate winter

The last blog I posted was dated January 27.  Today is February 11.  In today's fast-paced world it is no wonder I have only 3 followers.  One follower is my husband who no longer bothers to check my blogspot.  There is plenty craziness going on here in MicroWorld to write about.  However, it's mostly "stir-crazy" craziness because we're held captive by Old Man Winter.  Temperatures are in the single digits at night and the teens and low twentys during the day.  Every few days we receive another delivery of snow, sometimes with an additional bonus of ice and sleet.  The snow accumulation is now higher than the handrails that line our walk ways.  The bird bath on the patio looks like a giant bowl of cool whip sitting on top of the snow.  My pick up truck is dwarfed in the parking lot by the mountains of snow left from plowing and it's truck bed is piled high with load of snow which I will probably haul around town for another month.  I imagine you are wondering why I am not blogging merrily along with a cozy shawl around my shoulders and a steaming hot toddy by my side.  Now that's a charming picture and just pure fantasy.  Lately the demands for my attention have reached celebrity proportions.  Delivery trucks have been late or skipped us on storm days, our $300,000 state-of-the-art heating/cooling system fails us as regularly as a heart beat, employee absenteeism is at an all time high, the residents are bored and complaining, and the intestinal virus with accompanying diarreaha and vomiting just keeps making the rounds from room to room....usually at night when I am the only staff person in MicroWorld.  As manager, I am expected to solve each and every problem.  Now, I'm not complaining, just explaining.  That's my reason for not blogging.  Go ahead, one-up me...I dare you.  Make my day!  Oh, I'm ranting am I? I'm stir-crazy, am I?  I'm whining?  It's just like watching black and white TV when I look out the window.   Gray skies, white snow, black tree branches covered with white snow.  We love Valentine's Day up here just to see a little color.  My daughter mentioned on Face (Lame) Book that she was planning the great
escape.  As her mother (and always the leader) I am plotting 3 escapes.  The first one to the Mohegan Sun where for 2 glorious days I won't see the sun.  I'll eat, drink and gamble and forget about the ten feet of snow outside.  I'm leaving in 4 days but I'm counting down by the hour.  I was interrupted a few minutes ago because 4 rooms are too cold, and could I please fix the problem. It's 7:15 AM and I haven't been in the shower yet or gotten dressed.
I hate winter and that's all I have to say about that.  Celebrity status, I tell you, but what are going to do? (translation: whaddaya gonna do?)
...

Snow Bound Stir Crazy Musings.....

I've had hot flashes now for 12 years and have found the best relief is winter in CT.  When one hits, I merely step outside or open the window.  The -3 degrees brings instant relief and the hot flash is over in a "flash".  Last night (somewhere in the middle) I awoke to that suffocating, sweltering feeling and on automatic pilot I made my way to the window.  What?!  Snowing again?  Why was I even surprised.  But I was shocked!  The snow was a mere 12 inches from my window ledge.  This morning I checked the weather bug (online) and discovered we got another 8 inches last night, and yet another snow storm will be coming in two days.  Ann, who is 80 something, informed me at breakfast that when she was a kid and walked (of course) to school, her mother would warn her not to touch the telephone wires.  When I responded with a dumb blank stare she added, "The snow was almost up to the wires."  I'm hoping that story was one of those that gets more interesting in repeated telling over many years.  I merely raised my eyebrows in mock surprise without additional comments.  Why encourage her?  Visions of fried children were already appearing in my mind.  Ann did not seem to notice my lack of response.  She was happily enjoying the memory while arranging her oxygen bottle on her walker  as she prepared to leave the table.  "Will we be playing Bingo tomorrow?", she asked as she stood up to leave.  Ah Bingo...the pacifier of old age...more comforting than memories and spicier than chili peppers.  When Helen who is nearly deaf as a post,  incessantly asks me to repeat the number I just called, an annoyed groaning ripples through the room.  Ernie, age 100 with great hearing, repeats it in a loud irritated voice.  Helen indignantly protests, "Well I have bad hearing."  But before she can finish, Ernie yells back, "Shut up, let's just play!" This scenario replays throughout the game and at each and every session week after week.  There are always more arguments about choosing the cards, cheating, and taking more prizes from the basket that one truly earned.  But none of this unpleasantness seems to deter the players who attend the sessions as faithfully as seagulls at the beach.  Ugh! Another hot flash coming on...got to run for the window...I promise not to reach out too far and touch the telephone wires.

Iron Bug Attacks MicroWorld

I've been too busy shoveling snow, salting sidewalks, and thawing out my frozen fingers to even come near my beloved soapbox, i.e. blog.  Then the Bug invaded!  That nasty intestinal virus that strikes anyone, anywhere, and at anytime without warning and without respect for your flu shot, vitamins, or clean living. It's "Iron Bug"!  Indomitable! Fearless! and Insidious.  I've been busy re-enacting "Nurse Nancy" , dispensing Pepto Bismol, Maalox, ginger ale, chicken soup and clean sheets.  Each day brings a new casualty.  Tomorrow will bring another snow storm with approximately another 12 inches to add to the already 22 inches on the ground.  People here toggle between two themes: the weather bug and the flu bug.  Both are having an iron grip on us.  But don't you worry about your old Granny Ray.  I've already planned my next escape.  The trick is to stay just one step ahead of mayhem.  The Mohegan Sun is awaiting our arrival and will be providing luxury accommodations for us on February 15th.  Note that this is one (1) day following Valentine's Day.  As I said, "one step ahead."  The price drop was sweeter than Godiva chocolates.  As a show of gratitude we will use the fiduciary difference to invest in several money markets on the casino floor.  We will diversify our funds  because we are smart AND experienced.  Look for the smoke signals reporting our progress.  But for now, I've got to get back to Iron Bug.  Seek and destroy!

You Just Can't Plan a Thing Like That!

Do-gooders everywhere love to visit the elderly.  I've noticed that "they" get a whole lot more out of it than the poor hapless elderly who are subjected to these self-styled ambassadors of mediocre talents.  We have 39 residents (including myself and my husband) here in MicroWorld and several staff members.  Most of our entertainers garner a 6 to 12 person audience.  However, we have our own karaoke system here at MicroWorld and when we are having a dull day I pull it out of the closet and we supply our own entertainment.  Yesterday was the BIG New England snowstorm.  Nobody came near MicroWorld.  The office manager stayed home as well as the hairdresser.  Our administrators were on vacation in Aruba.(Hmmmm), and of course NO ONE ELSE even thought about us.  We were enclosed in a building with only TV's for diversion; and every TV on every channel was covering "The Storm".  By noon, people were bored with it all.  Someone requested karaoke and soon everyone jumped on the band wagon.  I was outnumbered.....Mr. Husband ran for a snowshovel and dug out his truck.  A couple of fish tails, and he was out of the parking lot and on his way to his favorite watering hole.  I set up the PA system, hooked up the karaoke machine, distributed the books, and we all sang our favorite songs. An hour and a half later, I announced that we were finished, collected the microphones and began to wind up the cords.  Everyone left to return to their rooms.......that's when it all became very surreal, but very, very fun.  There I was all alone.  The residents had returned to their rooms.  The cook had returned to the kitchen.  The other staff members had left for the day, and my husband had also left.  The moment was just too tempting.  I could practice a couple of songs, I thought.  I selected a song, began singing.....and here is where it gets weird.  The cook came out of the kitchen and a couple of residents....."I'm just trying out a couple of songs", I explained.  As I sang, more people came out of their rooms and soon there was quite a few people.  Irma started dancing (?) and Paul got up to dance with her!  I have never seen ANY of these people dance!  They are all in their 80's and 90's and most use walkers and canes.  Next, Mark (Mr. Husband) appeared.  His favorite bar was closed because of the snow storm. He sang "The Weight" and "Knockin' on Heaven's Door".  They loved it!!! I was singing contempory country songs.  They loved it!!!

Resolutions 2011

I make the same resolution every year...every year since I turned 50 (eons ago).  That was the year the belly pooch appeared and stubbornly refused to leave.  A few years later the thunder thighs arrived and took up residence right around the corner from the bulbous butt.  Each new year brings new determinism to evict these nasty tenants. My 60th birthday was celebrated with a mother/daughter cruise to the Bahamas and an amazing 140 pound woman went in my place.  Another cruise is being planned with a second daughter and MicroWorld has become all too involved.  Everyone has become my weight-loss guru.  The goal is 30 pounds in 3 months.  Did I mention in an earlier blog that the average age of MicroWorld's residents is 89?  Are you people suffering DEMENTIA?!!!  Hey, I am probably going on this cruise as a matronly matron.  In your mid 60's you have to expect that. But no one is letting me off the hook.  So here I go again with Resolution 2011......lose weight...massive amounts, and be thin and beautiful.  Ah, dreams....what would we do without 'em.   Ok, I will try, and I promise to report my progress.  I have even done the math.  At the unrealistic rate of 2 pounds per week, in 12 weeks I would theoretically lose 24 pounds.  Close, but still no cigar.  But MicroWorld has their new poster child and they wagged disapproving fingers at me as I carried a plate laden with turkey and dressing, swimming in gravy.  "It's for my husband, I swear!" , I repeated loudly.  Since most of them suffer severe hearing loss, I doubt they heard me.  Hey guys, I'm making a new resolution for 2011..to spend my next birthday in Las Vegas with my two daughters and have the time of our lives with or without extra baggage. Can I get an amen! Thank you.